Saturday, January 17, 2009

Redefining "lucky"

Ever since we got matched with Julia I've heard many people tell me how lucky Julia is. I don't blame them for saying so; if I hadn't been around the adoption community as much as I have I'd probably say the same thing. After listening to what many adoptive parents have to say I'd be more inclined to say how unlucky my new little girl is. Jason and I are the lucky ones.

Let's examine this a little more closely. We have a little baby who, in her first year of life, has been abandoned by her birthparents. She's now with a foster family who, I hope, love her (it is not always the case with foster parents.). In a little over a month she's about to be ripped away from them for reasons unknown to her. See, we've been waiting for her, and for a very long time. But the reality is she has NOT been waiting for us. Then, she will be taken away from the only place she has only known, a place where the smells, sounds, foods and faces are familiar to her. She will be taken halfway around the world by virtual strangers to a place completely foreign to her. As she grows she will have to learn to trust that this set of parents will not abandon her or turn her over to another new set of parents. She will also have to come to terms with the fact that she was abandoned and will probably never know the reasons why. I only hope I can help her work through these issues along the way.

It worries me that many people will tell her how lucky she is. As she grows up I don't want to her feel like she "owes" us for adopting her or that she "should" feel grateful to us. I only want her to appreciate us in the way that a child should appreciate his or her parents, regardless whether it's a biological or adopted child. And, the parents should also value the child in the same way. No one "owes" family anything. If she thinks "I love my family" the same way I do, then I've succeeded.

So is she lucky? Well, I don't think so, and that's just my opinion. But I know we are.

1 comment:

  1. Gwen, you have put so eloquently so many of the thoughts I have had about our adoption of Lilly...thanks for writing this down and sharing it on your blog.

    Hope to see you post news of TA soon!

    ~Amy in FL waiting for TA for Lillian Joy

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