Monday, March 2, 2009

Leaving my heart behind

As thrilled as I am about finally getting Julia, after such a long wait for her, I'm feeling a lot of agony because of having to leave my big girl, Anna, behind. Anna will be staying with her daytime sitter, Beverly, while we're gone so she can still go to school and receive therapy. I trust Beverly and I know my family will be nearby, but I've never left Anna for more than a night. Realistically, I know that taking Anna to China would have been too hard on her and us and she'll be much happier at Beverly's where she can play and sleep without being cooped up in a plane for 18 hours each way.

So, tell me, how do I do this? Leave half of my heart at home while I go pick up the other half? We'll have access to Skype so we can make webcam calls home from our hotel room. Still, it's not the same.

I'm going to miss her badly.


  1. You know, that post brought back to many memories for me. We left our 6 year old in July to get our daughter from China. My mom picked him up the night before we left and I just fell into her arms and sobbed and sobbed. She held my face and said, "Sometimes you have to leave one to get one." Elias KNEW that we loved him and he was secure in that, but Norah NEEDED us. She had no family, no love, no security. She needed her momma and daddy. And with a mother's heart I set out to get her while leaving my shadow behind.
    It is hard. BUT everyday will get better and better and before you know it your arms will be full with your two babies :)
    I hope that you have a wonderful trip and enjoy each and every day that you have in your daughter's homeland.

  2. Girl - I cried so hard at the apirport that security came over to make sure I was ok to fly! I think they were worried I would try to jump! :) It was one of the hardest things I have ever done - leaving my three babis at home when I went to China...but I would not trade it for anything - Josh is our son too and he needed us. I'll just share my hindsight with you so that you can keep that thought with you. It will be ok and it is worth every second that you spend in agony! But I know that won't make tomorrow any easier! Just stay the course....think only about the task at hand...and get it done! You'll be home soon and the world will be crystal clear! Good luck! I'll be following you!! :) Renee Mongold (mom to Joshua Song 12/08)

  3. Oh, what a bitter sweet moment. I hope you have safe travels and we will see you in Beijing tomorrow! We get in shortly before noon, Beijing time.